If You Ever Loved Me
by AlwaysaWorkinProgress
Summary: Post-war, SS/OC. A certain Gryffindor has always occupied Severus's thoughts, but can he now help her come home to stay? Or is she forever stuck in her new life? Only compliant up to HBP - a very old plot idea of mine!
1. Prologue

Author's note and disclaimer: No. I don't own Harry Potter, or anything associated with the books. Would I be writing a fanfiction if I did? Sorry, I suppose I'm a little sarcastic… like our favorite potions master. However, this plot and a few characters herein are my own mind's crazy ideas!

This is a plot bunny that has been in my head for a very, very long time, so I couldn't bring myself to suddenly change everything to make it compliant… so this is actually only compliant up to HBP, and I'm going to try to keep everyone "in character" as much as possible. I hope any "off" representations of character are relatively sensible though.

I love reviews that are comprised of positive remarks, constructive criticism, and/or where you might like the story to go. Flames are ignored or perhaps used to keep my feet warm while I type!

No lemons, thus the lower rating. There are suggestive moments, themes, and statements, and there may be bad language, thus the rating!

Also, I'm having some formatting issues with my computer, thus the lines to break up trains of thought; I hate using them, but it makes it a slightly easier read! Also, unless necessary, this will be my only author's note, no point in bombarding you at the beginning and ending of every chapter.

Thank you for reading, and if you have a moment, leave a review!

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Prologue

"If you have ever loved me, Severus, you will let go of my arm this instant," she stated with an even tone that belied the anguish behind her eyes.

For a moment, he continued to clench at her wrist, but then disgust filled his features and he all but threw himself from her, turning quickly away and throwing his hands in the air. "_If_ I loved you? How can you even suggest – after everything! And how can you judge when you yourself are innately drawn to the Dark Arts?"

It was taking all his self control not to bellow at her, and the result was little more than a whisper. Suddenly Kelyea wasn't sure which she would prefer, but she continued to rail against him.

"Of course I'm drawn to them, I'm a werewolf, but that doesn't mean I use them and I have never, ever used the Dark Arts to harm! I do not blindly follow a mad man because I believe my blood is superior to anyone else's, and I do not lie to my loved ones about where I am sneaking off to at night! And how can you believe his blood theories when you call Lily your friend!" Kelyea could feel the anger rising within her, and with it, her blood boiling, the hairs on her arms rising.

"Don't pretend you know why I do any of this!" he finally roared, and Kelyea decided she much preferred the whisper. Not knowing how much longer she could deal with any of this without losing her own control, she let her shoulders sag in defeat. One glance at Severus showed he had not finished. "I don't expect you to understand, I don't expect you to approve, and I don't expect you to stay. I hope you will at least keep this between yourself and your grandfather."

His voice and temper had slowly calmed, his tone even and within regular decibels, and his fists unclenching at his sides. "I love you Kelyea; I have never stopped and I never will. But believe me when I say that I must do this, I do it with the best of intentions now, if I did not in the beginning."

A timer went off in the laboratory, and Severus stepped away to stir some concoction or another. Kelyea let herself collapse in a chair, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. The man who seemed to have never been a boy, who had always been an outcast, ridiculed by so many, sheltered by few, and never afraid to fight back, stepped back out from the lab and stood before her with a new aura of confidence and resolution.

"How long then?" she whispered.

"Until the end."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. How long have you been hiding this from me and why did it take you so long to turn it all around?"

His lips pursed together slightly, and she could see him thinking. "I have been amongst the Death Eaters formally for five years, since the night after my seventeenth birthday. In your beginning years, you're not allowed much. I brewed potions mostly, as that seems to be all I'm good for. I have never taken a life, if that helps at all. I cannot tell you anymore. I have put you too much at risk as it is. I have told Albus everything, and am now going to work to redeem myself… it is the best I can do. I don't ask you for forgiveness, Kelyea, and I don't expect it, but I hope I will someday prove to you that I only want the best for this world we are in… the best for us."

Tears welled behind Kelyea's eyes as she realized what she had to do. Taking a deep breath and pushing herself back in the chair she thought everything through slowly, her eyes never wavering from her lover's face.

Kelyea Lupin's past was complicated enough as it was. The much sheltered younger sister of Remus Lupin, granddaughter of Albus Dumbledore, was witness to, and the second victim of, the werewolf attack that had occurred so many years before. Despite the lycanthropy they were both inflicted with, their grandfather had made arrangements for the pair to attend Hogwarts, something completely unprecedented. And along the way, she had met Severus. While her brother had been sheltered in the Shrieking Shack, they could not be together for fear of causing great injury to each other, so Kelyea was kept in the Room of Requirement.

Since the rise of Voldemort, she and Remus had often been warned that their affliction would soon be desired as a weapon by the Dark Lord. She could not risk being here much longer, and neither could Remus. She knew he had plans to flee to Russia, but had been putting it off since the birth of Harry Potter. Meanwhile, she had been hoping to head to Ireland or the United States, pursuing the new advancements towards a lycanthropy cure. Perhaps this was the time. She too had been delaying, remaining to help Lily with the new baby, and to stay with Severus. She wanted desperately to stay, to start the life they had been talking about for so long, but staying would ultimately be a danger to herself, to Severus if she was ever connected to him by the Dark Lord, and to this silly world she loved almost as much as the man sitting across from her now.

A sigh left her without her realization and Severus let his eyes drop, seemingly knowing what she was thinking. He couldn't bring himself to look at her when he spoke next. "I don't expect you to stay. Nor do I want you to. I mean, I do, but I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you. I need you to be safe."

All the anger that had resonated throughout the evening seemed to disappear in a flash. Suddenly the pair found themselves in each other's arms, just holding onto each other as though there was nothing else left in the world. Somehow they eventually made it into the bedroom, collapsing amongst the sheets with tender, but desperate touches.

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A soft crackling alerted Kelyea that the house elves had started a fire for them in the chilly room, and as her mind wrapped around this, she realized that she was resting with her back against a rather warm, firm chest, with a strong arm placed over her waist, a hand on her stomach. Relishing in what would be her last morning in this comfort, Kelyea leaned her head back a little bit, fighting off the tears. A kiss on her neck startled her, not having realized Severus was already awake. His grip around her waist tightened, and she could feel his breath move her hair. They didn't dare move or speak for fear of breaking this spell, of ending this final moment. Finally, after what could have been seconds or hours, Kelyea felt Severus lean away from her a little, his grip around her loosening.

"You should probably go. If you don't, I don't know that I will ever be able to let you."

At this, her tears could no longer be held back, but she nodded to herself and rose from the bed, his arm dropping to the sheets behind her. Picking her clothes up off of the floor and stepping into the bathroom, she turned on the shower, relishing in the hot water, almost too hot, the steam filling the bathroom, the glass fogging quickly. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she finally rinsed her hair and stepped out, wrapping a towel tightly around herself. Using a comb from next to the sink, she pulled it through her hair, wincing a little when she hit a bad tangle, taking comfort in the morning ritual. When she was done and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail, Kelyea let the towel drop to the floor, and slipped into her clothes from yesterday, putting her robe on over them.

Severus had also gotten dressed, and was standing near the fireplace when she stepped from the bathroom. She stepped over to him, and looked up into his face before placing a soft kiss on his lips. Nothing needed to be said, not that either of them had the words, so Kelyea turned away silently, and stepped out the door. Saying "I love you" would only twist the knife already buried deeply in their hearts. As she went up the stairs and out of the dungeon, she considered what she would do, where she would go, who she would tell. Once in her room, a flick of her wand had all of her nondescript items packed; anything personal would have to remain. She slowly removed from her right hand the ring Severus had given her at her graduation and placed it on her dresser in its small jewelry box. Slowly, she shut the door, not only on her bedroom, but on her life here in Scotland, at Hogwarts, with Severus, and decided no words would explain to anyone, would be enough for anyone to understand and let her go, so she headed out the front doors of the school, down the path, out the gate, and apparated away.

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A few months after Kelyea's sudden departure, tragedy struck on that fateful Halloween night; but with the sudden banishment of Voldemort, the sudden weight lifted from the Wizarding World, Severus began to look for Kelyea, expecting her return full heartedly. Even Remus and Albus Dumbledore expected her to step back onto Scottish lands, but no word ever came. The years that followed sent Severus spiraling into an existence of solitude, short tempers, and an inability to care anymore about many others or even himself, as the Wizarding World carried on all around him.

Harry Potter came to school and the second rise of Voldemort came, Severus finding new purpose protecting Harry, and then spying for the Order. But with his final fall, the Potions Master once again desperately watched for his love, only to plunge again into despair as the Wizarding World carried on all around him.


	2. Silent Encounter

Chapter One

Silent Encounter

A new year had come and gone, and the world had slowly been put back together. The final battle had left Hogwarts' Great Hall in ruins, the ceiling having collapsed almost completely, but now the sun could show its bright face against the enchanted roof again. Yet, the days still held no such bright light for Severus Snape. Except for no longer harboring an obvious preference for Slytherin House, his mood seemed worse and he seemed less approachable each day. As he helped place the final touches on the Great Hall, he couldn't help but remember the many meals he had eaten here as a student, stealing glances at the Ravenclaw table where she had sat, the few meals they had eaten together as professors; suddenly he shook his head and cursed, angry with himself for letting her intrude upon his thoughts again.

As Severus came out of his reverie, he noticed Remus and Albus whispering in the corner and stealing glances at him. If they are plotting again, Severus growled in his thoughts, never letting the emotion cross his face. Remus appeared to be distressed, and Albus was missing the familiar twinkle in his eye, but Severus could see something akin to hope in his gaze as well. Even as he interpreted their facial expressions, they pivoted and seemed to be determined to speak with him; a small jingle of one of the outer wards of the school grounds commanded attention, and Severus quickly breathed a sigh of relief. Someone had arrived, someone expected, or the rather obnoxious alarm would have sounded instead. Either way, he was thankful for the distraction.

Despite his curiosity, Severus remained in the Great Hall, taking a seat at the round table set up for the staff until students were finally allowed to return to the school in two months time. He could just hear the faint voices in the entry hall, and tried to put faces to the tones. One was clearly Albus, and the other was also a man, younger, American, but it seemed as though there was a third person he was also speaking for.

"Bryce Coleman, a pleasure, I am Albus Dumbledore, this is my Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Remus Lupin, and this must be your beautiful fiancée that you wrote of!" Albus gushed in the foyer, and Severus could actually envision his beaming features and outstretched hand.

"It's an honor to finally meet you sir. Indeed this is my fiancée, Kelly Ritter. She also says she is pleased to meet you. She says it is a privilege to meet a wizard as distinguished as yourself, and she looks forward to working with you."

Severus, still trying to envision the scene, stumbled in his thoughts, confused as to why the man was speaking for the girl, and why Albus had started enunciating more clearly as he thanked the girl for her comments. The man, this Bryce, chuckled and then stated, "I apologize for not explaining. Kelly is a mute, a severe medical accident I'm afraid, but she can hear and understand you just fine."

Holding back a rare laugh at Albus' blunder, imagining the very slight flush in the older man's cheeks, Severus continued his eavesdropping, now intrigued by the woman he had yet to lay eyes on.

"I'm sorry my dear," Albus replied, a smile easily heard in his voice, "I did not understand. Now, you two must be very tired after such a long trip from the states, why doesn't Remus show you to your rooms, and you can get a full tour tomorrow, hmm?"

Knowing he would no longer be intruding, Severus stood and stepped out into the entrance just in time to see the woman turn, her dark ash blonde hair sweeping over her shoulder, the defined curls bouncing perfectly, and he had caught just a glimpse of her light cerulean blue eyes, enough to make his breath catch in his throat and his heart stop. The man with her glanced at him and Severus could not quite place the emotion in the man's eyes, but took note of his age, close to Severus' surely, his build, short but muscular, and also the air of self-absorption that seemed to permeate from him. Smoothly, the man turned away, placing his hand on the small of the woman's back, and followed Remus up the stairs. Regaining his senses, Severus started up the steps after them but a hand on his shoulder made him turn.

"We should speak in my office, Severus. Come, let us have a cup of tea together, my boy," Albus all but whispered.

Hesitantly, reluctantly, Severus followed the man, glancing back to try and catch another glimpse of the woman, but she was out of sight.

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Ignoring the lemon drops the man stubbornly offered every few minutes, Severus paced in front of the fireplace, impatiently awaiting Remus' return. As soon as he walked through the door, Severus stopped dead in his tracks and turned on the two men.

"Was it her?" Severus demanded angrily.

Albus glanced at Remus, who nodded, tears welling in his eyes. "I have no doubt."

Severus let out a soul-wrenching cry, and smashed his fist on to Albus' desk. "When were you planning on telling me! How dare you stop me from speaking to her, and how dare you not tell me –!"

"Stop it Severus," Albus demanded, his tone surprising the potions master and his grandson still by the door, the twinkle gone from his eyes. "They arrived before I could speak to you. And I wasn't sure what state she was in, I was not prepared… Unless she proves otherwise to us in the next few days, she seems to have no memories of her previous life. And I do not understand how she is now mute. All I actually know is that this Bryce Coleman is rumored by the American Wizarding Council to be well trained in the Dark Arts but an esteemed potions master and quidditch player of all things as well. However, it is unknown if his darker magical interests have ever made him forge an allegiance with any groups. The Americans believed he was a Death Eater for a long time, but neither they nor our own ministry have any evidence of his allegiance to anyone but himself. When he applied for our Flying Instructor position and I found out Kelyea was with him, I thought that accepting was better than perhaps allowing her to slip through our fingers again."

Silence descended upon the room. Remus finally moved from the door and collapsed in a chair, and Severus became vaguely aware that his right hand was beginning to ache from the impact against the wood. The three men, usually a driving force behind many actions over the last several years, were at a complete loss as to what to do.

"I'm sure she would have reacted in some way if she did have any kind of recollection of her previous life. I tried to judge their relationship as well as I might as I escorted them to their room and she seems very different… rather submissive to Mr. Coleman," Remus uttered, noticing Severus's flinch at the singular room, and the mild surprise at the change in Kelyea's character.

"Whether it is magic or no, we will have to be careful not to shock her into remembering anything. Coleman does not sound like any Death Eater I can recall, but there were so many in the final days that I admit I did not know many of the Outer Circle. As for his work in potions, he was close to a cure, or so he thought. I remember reading is preliminary findings many years ago; he had never gotten beyond the anthurium leaves, which when mixed with the wolfsbane proved promising in lab tests but no one knew how a human would react with the usually poisonous plant. That could explain the damage to her vocal cords if things went poorly. Any potions master would be able to fix that… unless he likes that she doesn't speak," Severus spat.

He was trying to get into a more analytical, tactical standpoint, but his emotions were getting the better of him. Taking a few deep breaths, he brought up another thought. "I do know American and French Sign Language thanks to a cousin of mine. I should be able to communicate with her well enough as it is one of the few foreign languages I have actually found somewhat interesting enough to maintain over the years. But she should probably stay out of the dungeons if possible. Even fumes of a memory potion… and I must make them for Madame Pomfrey."

What else could be said? They really had no idea what they were up against. A sigh from Dumbledore signaled another thought. "I don't wish to point this out any more than absolutely necessary, but whether we like it or not she is engaged to this man."

Severus winced again against the will of every fiber in his being, but he didn't say anything and Albus continued. "We don't know that bringing her memories back will change much in her life as it is now, but we can hope and pray. With your knowledge of sign language, I think we have good reason for you to be around her as much as possible Severus, which I understand will be difficult but may be our best chance. With that, I will see you both at dinner where we will formally introduce all the staff to our newcomers."

Reluctantly, Remus and Severus left the office, heading down the stairs towards the gargoyle. About halfway down, Remus stopped on the steps and looked up at Severus. "I got a bad feeling from that man she's with, Severus. I know we have had our differences over the years, but I hope we will be able to work together to save her. I think she needs our help whether she realizes it or not. And, I can't believe I'm saying this, I think she needs you."

Severus nodded sharply. "I give you my word that I will do everything in my power to not let her leave us again, Remus. Not again."

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Minerva approached Severus and complimented him on his wand work in the Great Hall, along with Professors Flitwick and Sprout, but he only absently nodded and thanked them, his eyes carefully trained on the doors to the room. Finally, they swung open to reveal Albus, Bryce, and Kelyea. Kelly, he reminded himself. He forced himself to rise casually from the table as they approached, as did the others, to greet the "new" pair. Albus must have already spoken to the other staff members as they all seemed very casual for how awkward this critical moment really was. He almost frantically searched her face for any kind of recognition but found none, only a seemingly profound curiosity in this supposedly new environment. Finally, the three made it around the table to him. He shook Bryce's hand firmly, saying nothing. When Kely – Kelly introduced herself, Severus smoothly stopped Bryce from interpreting by casually asking vocally and with hand gestures how she preferred to carry a conversation. A beautiful smile graced her features, and Severus felt his cool demeanor falter. She quickly signed that it was refreshing to be able to just sign, as she rarely had the opportunity except with her fiancé. Again, Severus felt himself waver at this last, but he had not spent so many years as a double agent only to lose his control now. Resolutely, he replied by signing that they should take the opportunity to have tea sometime then.

That stunning smile had never left her face and she agreed happily before taking a seat at the table. Severus, Albus, and Bryce all took seats as well, the last sitting to Kelly's left and eyeing Severus suspiciously, especially as Severus took Kelly's right. The smirk did not leave the potions master's face, content that he had at least caused the man some discomfort and confusion. Halfway through the meal, a tap came at Severus' shoulder and he glanced to his left to see Kelly still smiling brightly.

"Where did you learn to sign?" she signaled excitedly.

Severus briefly touched his chest with his right hand then raised it in the shape of a C and shook it by his head. "My cousin. She's deaf, and spent much time in the United States."

"You're very good. Bryce tells me you are a Potions Master like he is. I love potions, though I'm told they are at the root of my situation."

"Situation?"

"I have little memory of anything before twenty years ago, and I used to be able to speak. Bryce has tried to tell me as much as he could. He has given me the only life I know."

Ignoring the pull at his heartstrings, Severus continued to sign. "You are lucky, then. To have someone who cares for you so much."

She seemed to hesitate, those cerulean blue eyes looking through him rather than at him for a moment. "Yes. I guess I am."

Turning back to her food, this apparently ended their conversation and Severus contemplated the last of it. Perhaps everything was not a paradise, as Remus had said he suspected already, and perhaps things might be able to move a little faster than they had anticipated. He prayed so. Sitting so close to her, not able to reach out and touch her, run his fingers through those springy curls, or even whisper "I love you" was antagonizing. It had been so long. Now she was here again, after everything they had been through, and after how they had parted from each other. Severus suddenly was very aware of cool metal against his skin, his focus shifting to the ring she had left in a jewelry box on her dresser, now hanging around his neck on a chain with the ring she had once given him.

Dinner wound down, and the professors began to disperse. Bryce rose and whispered something in Kelly's ear. She stood as well, and turned to Severus.

"It was a pleasure to meet you. Have a good night."

Before he could reply, she was walking away. He didn't get the chance to ask again about tea.


	3. Muted Tears

Chapter Two

Muted Tears

The next few days passed almost normally now that the castle repairs were completed. Professors went back to creating lesson plans and checking supplies. The only thing that betrayed this sense of normalcy was the knowledge that not everything was as it seemed amongst the two newest residents at Hogwarts. Severus felt this so deeply that at day's end he constantly struggled against the urge to retreat into a bottle of firewhiskey.

As he stared out from atop the astronomy tower, movement near the border to the Forbidden Forest caught his eye, and he watched curiously as Bryce Coleman spoke to the headmaster, gesturing animatedly with his hands. Another movement caught his eye and he noticed a figure walking towards the group, heavily cloaked for any Scottish summer day, this day at a relatively mild 22 degrees*. The way Bryce reacted indicated that it was probably Kelly, and Severus' concern for her welfare grew. Her presence seemed to conclude the meeting; Hagrid turned back to his hut, and the two men accompanied Kelly back up to the castle. The plot thickens, Severus thought ruefully, he himself turning from his vantage point and beginning the steps down from the tower.

Why is she so heavily clothed? He thought back over the last week since their arrival, and strained to think of a time he had seen her outside of meals, unable to find a single occurrence. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard Albus call after him.

"I was just on my way to your office, Albus."

The older man nodded, the twinkle firmly set in his eyes, and continued to lead the way up to his office as the gargoyle moved aside, neither speaking until they were settled firmly in front of his desk. Lemon drops and tea were offered, both were refused, and the conversation turned to the matter at hand.

"I assume you're inquiring after Kelyea - Kelly today Severus? As you have every day since she arrived."

The potions master nodded, taking heart in Albus' lighter tone. "I noticed you speaking with Bryce, and noticed Kelly's heavy cloak when she joined you. I was hoping you had some knowledge behind her strange summer clothing."

Albus chuckled and shook his head, mumbling something about a spy in his midst. "Ever observant, aren't we Severus? Bryce indicated that part of the curse that took her voice also causes her to get chilled periodically, and sometimes quite fatigued."

"Bryce has also told me more of his version of the incident that caused her current predicament. He says it occurred as she was travelling to him, after crossing the border into the Wizarding community hidden in the Twin Tunnels near Mosier, Oregon; he actually could see her overhead when she was suddenly hit by what he describes as a prism of light and she tumbled from her broom. He searched and found her in the woods, returning to his home and nursing her back to health."

Frowning, Severus considered the new information. For now it was all they had to go off of, but it didn't seem much like Kelyea to be flying around when she was supposed to be in hiding. He would continue to mull everything over for the time being. Realizing that the Headmaster was looking at him oddly, Severus pulled himself out of his reverie.

"Now that I have your full attention again. Bryce will be going to the States to attend to some last minute business. He will be gone about a week, he stated, and assured me his lesson plans were in place. This will give you a chance to be around Kelly more frequently I am sure. I believe that is all, and I will see you at dinner."

Severus rose from his seat with a slight bow towards Albus then turned on his heel and headed out of the office. At the base of the stairs, the gargoyle jumped closed behind him, and he stopped to pull lightly on the cuffs of his shirt to straighten them. Down the hall he heard Bryce's voice, and from the one-sided tone to the conversation, he stepped in that direction to investigate. He didn't just wear black to be intimidating; it also came quite in handy when hiding in the castle's many shadows.

Bryce was clearly agitated and held an aggressive stance, his fists clenched, his jaw set, his feet apart, the right slightly forward. On the other end of things, Kelly also stood her ground firmly, but Severus could see the look in her eye that betrayed her confidence. She was certainly upset, her signs flying so quickly that Severus was only catching every few. Piecing the information together, he slowly realized that she was angry about him leaving Hogwarts. Bryce couldn't sign as quickly, and was letting his anger be heard instead.

"Yes, Kelly, it is necessary that I go for a week – it could be longer. There are things I must attend to. Damn it, Kelly, I will not take this attitude from you, and I do not have to explain myself!"

As her fingers and hands flew through the air, Severus realized that she was demanding the explanation he had just denied. "There are matters to attend to that are none of your damn business! Now you will stop this immediately, Kelly; I will not tolerate this behavior, and if it doesn't stop we will take it back to our quarters and I will put you in line."

This stopped Kelly in her tracks, her hands falling immediately to her sides, though the tension in her limbs was still obvious, fear evident in her gaze. Severus bristled, wanting to hex the man into the ground. But wait, Severus, he reasoned, now you have your way back in.

Nodding, seemingly pleased with himself, Bryce turned on his heel and strode away from his fiancé, lifting a small suitcase from the ground and shrinking it into his pocket. Severus pressed himself into the alcove as Bryce passed by him without any heed; as soon as Bryce was out of sight, Severus returned his gaze to Kelly. Her eyes glanced down the hall, looking at the spot Bryce had just disappeared from, waiting a moment for something.

Rather suddenly, she turned away and leaned against the wall, her hand raising to her mouth. Despite no noise emitting from her mouth, Severus saw the shake in her shoulders, and watched desperately as she sank to her knees on the cold, stone floor. Stepping silently forward, his heart aching, he reached forward and lightly tapped her shoulder as he used to with his cousin. The response, however, was quite different. Kelly whipped around, her right arm flying up in front of her face, the left whipping a wand out of her back pocket.

Severus dropped down to her level, whispering calming words to her, and reaching out to her. In desperation, she welcomed the embrace and leaned into him. Controlling the urge to kiss away her tears, Severus merely stroked her hair, still whispering to her, and relishing in holding her in his arms. Somewhere in his thoughts he registered his shoulder growing increasingly wet, and his legs falling asleep, but he realized more importantly a few minutes later, Kelly had fallen asleep.

Groaning to himself, Severus lifted her gently in his arms. I cannot take her to her quarters nor mine, he mused. I don't know her password nor would it be proper for her to be in my rooms. Another groan and Severus turned and began the hike to the hospital wing.

Poppy Pomfrey looked up from her desk and set down her quill, rushing to him as soon as he walked through the door, Kelly still sound asleep in his arms. The mediwitch directed him to the nearest bed, and he gently laid her down, feeling an emptiness in his heart as well as in his arms as he left her warmth upon the sheets. Straightening, he stepped away from the bed so Poppy could draw the curtains. A moment later, she too emerged and they stepped towards her office.

"What happened?" she inquired, visibly concerned. Severus tended to forget that he was not the only one who had been closed to Kelyea as she was. Poppy and she had become close friends after Kelyea graduated.

"I encountered her after an argument she had with Coleman. She thought I was him and her arms flew up as if to defend herself. She even pulled her wand. After that she began crying, and fell asleep against me. Albus indicated earlier that the curse she was afflicted with causes her to get chilled and become fatigued. She is wearing such heavy robes, I'm sure this is related."

Nodding, Poppy stayed silent for a moment before patting Severus' shoulder. "Of course, crying is very tiring as well, Severus. Especially if she's been doing it often of late. I should best examine her. If you'd like to check up on her later – I expect she'll sleep for awhile."

The mediwitch patted his shoulder one last time and turned back towards the curtains. Severus stood staring at the spot he knew Kelly lay sleeping for just another moment before turning quickly on his heel and striding out the door.

A few hours passed, Severus forgetting himself in an old potions text he was translating. Suddenly, he heard the fire in the other room flare up, and heard Poppy calling his name. Jumping up, he did his best not to rush into the other room.

"Yes, Madame Pomfrey?" trying his best to sound disinterested.

"Kelly's awake, and she is asking for you. I would appreciate you coming too; pen and paper are so frustrating for her, and me as well."

"I will be there momentarily."

Donning his outer robe once more, Severus attempted to calm his nerves. Of course she was asking for him, he had comforted her, and he was the only other person in the castle who knew enough sign language to translate for her. Not to mention – nerves were not something for Severus Snape to concern himself with.

As he hiked back up to the Hospital Wing, Severus made a mental note to remind Albus to get the passageway between the two repaired. Inside, amongst the many empty beds, he noticed the curtains had been pulled aside, and Kelly was now propped up against some pillows. She smiled at him as he entered, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. The blankets had been tucked in tightly around her, and Poppy was just setting a bowl of soup on a tray in front of her.

Kelly quickly began signing. "She insists I stay and will not let me lift a finger."

Holding back a laugh, he told her to eat her soup and he would speak to Poppy. A moment of déjà vu later and Severus and Poppy were standing in front of her office.

"I have not been able to find out much, but now that you're here, I'd like to ask her about some bruises I found on her upper arm, and the burn on her leg," Poppy rattled off, then realized how insensitively she had said it as she watched the anger rise in Severus.

"Don't start, Severus. We haven't even talked to her yet. They could be entirely unrelated! Besides, you can't do anything about it at the moment anyway. She hasn't said anything so she obviously isn't in a position to trust any of us yet."

The doors to the hospital wing burst open and Remus came storming in. His face was an open book as he stared at Kelly with concern, and she was equally as clear in her shock. Severus sighed exasperatedly and ushered Remus over. "She's fine. Calm down. I will update you later if you will simply turn around, walk out of this room, and meet me for tea, firewhiskey, butter beer, pumpkin juice even, after dinner tonight. Now get out of here before I make you," Severus hissed.

Looking sufficiently cowed, Remus mumbled something not so polite about Slytherins, and slowly left the room, throwing one last glance at his sister who didn't even know who he was.

* 72 degrees Fahrenheit


	4. Sonnet

Chapter Three

Sonnet

The questions he had asked Kelly for Poppy had been terribly difficult for him, dreading every answer that could possibly follow. It had actually been quite uneventful, even if she was lying to them. He couldn't blame her. When asked about the bruise, she said she had rammed against the railing of one of the staircases when it suddenly moved. Possible, but the hesitation of her signs, and the almost listless way she formed them gave her away. When asked about the burn, she said she had dropped her curling iron against her leg. The distinct wince she let slip would have been enough, but Severus knew she had never touched a curling iron in her life. Her curl was completely natural, and a curling iron would just ruin it, as he had told her so many times, so many years before. A straightening iron would be more likely if there weren't potions now readily available. He hadn't expected the truth, but knowing it was there was too much in the first place.

Now at dinner, Severus glanced at the empty spot Kelly usually occupied next to him. Poppy had made her stay overnight, and Severus couldn't say he wasn't glad that she was under a watchful eye, but nonetheless. However, it would also allow them to observe any other symptoms of this supposed curse she was under.

Albus was talking about something or another, probably the silly chamber pots in the Room of Requirement again, and the rest of the staff were about as attentive as Severus was at this point, much more focused on the food in front of them. Except for Remus. Though eating, hungry after the full moon that had kept him out of sight for most of the week, he was watching Severus closely.

Bloody Gryffindors, Severus mused. Wouldn't know subtlety if it danced naked in front of them. He smirked ever so slightly at the imagery that stirred in his mind.

All too soon, the meal was over, and as he strode out of the hall, Remus falling into step next to him. Silently, they continued down to the dungeon, the temperature dropping dramatically as they continued the descent.

A fire began in the hearth when the door to Severus's private quarters shut behind him. The two sat down in front of the warmth, and Severus poured each of them a shot of firewhiskey. The next half hour or so was filled with quiet words from Severus, explaining everything they knew thus far about Kelly's situation. He kept his tone even, flat, hoping to calm the werewolf's ever growing anger.

"So what do we do, Severus?" Remus all but whispered.

Severus sighed heavily, rising from his chair. "I think we need to bring Albus and Poppy into our conversation."

A few minutes and two floo conversations later, a knock came at the door. Poppy and Albus joined the pair, taking a seat on the sofa, a pot of tea appearing in front of them.

"In light of today's events," Severus began, "I believe we need a new plan."

"If, as we suspect, Coleman is hurting her, we need to get her out of that situation. The violence can only escalate," Poppy offered.

Silence fell. Each was holding a glass or mug tightly between their hands, staring into the green flames in the hearth. Finally, Albus set down his mug, as Severus took his shot.

The twinkle left his eyes, and the lines on his face seemed to deepen as Albus spoke. "We know that this curse or whatever it might be will not be identifiable from any text, or staff knowledge. It must be a recent creation. According to Bryce, she was hit while flying, and tumbled from the sky. We can assume that the fall is the cause behind her missing memories if it indeed happened as he is leading us to believe."

Severus interrupted. "His story doesn't make sense to me Albus. Kelyea left looking for a cure twenty years ago. Her plan had been Ireland and the States, but she may have avoided Ireland altogether, knowing I might be able to find her there. If she went to the States, even in hiding, I find it hard to believe that Coleman would be so difficult to find."

The group once again fell silent, contemplating this. Remus broke first, his voice almost quavering with emotion. "Do you think he's had her for that long? Rather than the five years he's informed us of?"

"It would explain why she did not return after the First War," Albus replied. "But has she been 'Kelly' this whole time, or did he once hold sway over her as Kelyea?"

"She wouldn't have put up with any form of abuse, and she was always a particularly powerful caster. With this in mind, I would think that Coleman inflicted all of this on her, as a way of creating a dependence upon him that she could not escape. If he indeed cured her, which considering the lack of effect the moon appeared to have on her this week, I would believe that he also poisoned her. The anthurium leaves, if not counterbalanced in his cure, would have caused the loss of speech when mixed with the already present lycanthropy, despite cleansing it from her system. Other potions that use anthurium have been known to cause her other symptoms. And when anthurium is mixed with hydrangea it can cause coma and memory loss."

Albus smiled, albeit without the twinkling gaze. "This is why we have a potions master around at all times. Not to mention a brilliant one."

Severus bowed his head, acknowledging the praise humbly. "If I can analyze exactly what combinations were used, I can cure all her symptoms. Even the memory loss, but that could be a bit more difficult, and a much longer recovery."

Remus stood and walked to the hearth, leaning against the mantle. Albus continued to stare into the flame. Severus wracked his brain for any other thoughts. Poppy took the moment to speak.

"We have at least a week until Mr. Coleman returns. I say we use it to observe Kelly more closely, and slowly introduce familiar things from her time here at Hogwarts. I will release her from the Hospital Wing tomorrow with strict instructions to keep someone close at hand at all times. If necessary, she may sleep in the wing, and remain with the three of you for the rest of the day. She can only spend short amounts of time outside, but I think the warm weather will in fact do her some good."

The four made themselves content with this for the time being, finishing their drinks, enjoying one more shot, making small talk. The hour grew later and Poppy and Albus took their leave, Remus and Severus now alone again in the quiet of the dungeons.

"Thank you Severus. For being there for her today, not that I'd expect anything less. And thank you for keeping me in the loop. If you need anything at all, please let me know."

After receiving a nod from the brooding man, Remus finally released his shot glass, placing it on the coffee table before walking out the door.

Vanishing the remaining dishes to the kitchen, Severus returned to the text he had been looking through earlier that day. He didn't get far, unable to keep his concentration, rubbing his eyes in frustration after staring at the page, reading the same Latin sentence again and again. He would at least try to sleep, knowing nonetheless that it would be another night of staring at the canopy of the bed above him, wishing she was lying next to him.

-------

After being rudely awoken by Poppy yelling at him from his fireplace again about finding Kelly and helping her, Severus was up, dressed, and relatively presentable. The mediwitch always was good at worrying to no end. The sun was shining brightly, and the weather was still warm; perhaps the lake remained her favorite place despite her loss in memory.

Sure enough, near the sparkling blue water, the squid lazily doing laps upon the surface, there Kelly sat. She was beneath a sparse copse of trees, a small book clutched in her hands, a small basket next to her filled with bread, cheese, and a flask.

"I do hope that pumpkin juice fills that and not something more volatile, Miss Ritter," he declared as he approached her side.

She turned and took his gaze with a bright smile upon her lips. Her hair, pulled high on her head, still managed to pull loose and fall in curls about her face. Her eyes sparkled like the lake near her, and Severus found his heart taken by her all over again. Delicately, she set the book aside and stood to greet him, very formally he thought, but her hands began gesturing enthusiastically.

"Don't be silly, Severus. That reminds me, I have been meaning to ask; may I call you Sev? It is so much easier to fingerspell."

His heart leapt uncomfortably into his throat. She was the only one he had ever dared allow to call him such in the first place and the only person now in recent history brave enough to ask. "Of course," he replied after a moment, taking his forefinger and moving it up and out from his chin. The smile that returned to her features was worth the small sacrifice. "What are you reading on such a fine day?"

She held up a miniaturized leather bound copy of Shakespeare's Sonnets, and he took a breath before daring his memory.

_"Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all;_

_What hast thou then morn than thou hadst before?_

_No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;_

_All mine was thine before thou hadst this more._

_Then if for my love thou my love receivest,_

_I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;_

_But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceives_

_By willful taste of what thyself refusest._

_I do forgive thy robbery, gentle theif,_

_Although thou steal thee all my poverty;_

_And yet, love knows, it is a greater grief_

_To bear love's wrong than hate's known injury._

_Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,_

_Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes."_

Hesitantly he stepped forward and bent slightly, taking the small book from her hands and turning instantly to the page on which the sonnet lay, and taking her gaze tenderly. Severus noticed a blush rising in her cheeks and began to release her hand, but she clasped it instead and turned back to her blanket, pulling him down to sit next to her.

"Sonnet 40. You did that beautifully, Sev. Could I impose upon you to read another?"

Allowing a soft smile to grace his usually stern features, Severus granted her wish and continued. "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" he began. And so they sat, the water glistening, the sun warm, the squid languidly raising a tentacle now and again. Kelly was leaned against a tree again, watching him intently, her hands folded neatly in her lap. As he came to the end of a sonnet, he'd lost track of which one, she thanked him and rose to stretch a bit.

"Do you enjoy music, Sev? You have honored me with your beautiful reading and I would attempt the same if I might play the piano for you. And Poppy will surely murder me if I am out here so late."

He looked across the grounds and saw indeed that the better part of the day had indeed passed them by, so Severus too rose and stretched his long legs. She still played, he rejoiced within himself. But a pain threatened as he recalled her mezzo soprano following the pianos many tunes. "I would be delighted to hear you, Miss Ritter, an honor indeed. If you would lead the way."

She fell into step just slightly ahead of him and walked at an angle, almost sideways, in order to sign. As if reading his earlier thoughts, she began, "I do love the piano. But I sometimes feel something is lacking in the experience. Despite no memories nor a voice, I feel certain I sang once upon a time. Is that silly?"

Severus shook his head no. "Perhaps you did indeed. And I'm sure it was just as perfect as everything else you do."

Nodding in shy acknowledgement of the praise, the blush and timid smile returned. "I apologize Miss Ritter, I do not wish to cause you discomfort," Severus stated quietly, berating himself for such forward behavior. But she waved a hand to dismiss his apology in her now-commonplace nonchalant manner and they continued into the castle in silence.


End file.
